Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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