He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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