Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
