I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
