I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
