I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
