My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
