Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
