the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
