quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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