if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
