It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
