So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
