I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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