Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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