How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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