oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
