Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
