Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
