found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
