I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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