i think my tv is drunk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
