Someone shit on the floor
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
