my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
