People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize