i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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