i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize