Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone came in the potted fern
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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