Soap is not a condiment
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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