Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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