Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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