Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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