I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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