I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i don't like sucking hair
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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