bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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