Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
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