I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
