haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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