You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
