So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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