who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
