How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
