Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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