Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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