we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
