I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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