hotel room ftw
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
