I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
