Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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