I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize