Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
