I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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