i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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