I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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