Where did you get a picture of my penis
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
