the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
