Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
