fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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