my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
