Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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