And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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