Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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