so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
