Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is the high leading the old right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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