Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
