This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
