And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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