Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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