yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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