I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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