Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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