I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
