hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
