so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
